The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective sensations of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .

When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They most likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going find this to be good?".

However, North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there my response or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while from this source feeling all those exciting sparks!

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